jakarta as it is

trip to Jakarta. so tiring. each time i go on holiday with mummy i always end up with sore feet, aching all over and tired than even before the trip. sometimes i wonder, what the whole purpose of the holiday is really, actually. unwind? duh. like no way.

thing about mummy is that she drags me outta bed at 8am local time for the buffet breakfast and right after that is grabbing the taxi and going about town.

Jakarta was barely recovering from the massive flood when i arrived. it was a total mess. the hotel we stayed in had just opened up after a week of being restored. first we were in jakarta selatan then jakarta pusat.

i remember years ago, my indonesian friend in uni, Anggi asking me whether i had ever heard of sex-after-lunch. i said it wasnt such a 'concept' on its own but im guessing people here do have sex after lunch, dinner, supper or even probably during meal if it were possible. what is sex-after-lunch anyways? i asked him back.

he said that in jakarta, the office people usually have a quick lunch followed by a quick err..quickie? he said that they would park at a hotel that would rent out rooms especially for lunch hour rendezvous. i kinda thought to my self...how interesting was that?

anyways on the third day we switched hotels to another location in the heart of jakarta. it was fairly nice. after checking in and dropping mummy off at the spa, my sister and I together with Feri went out jalan-jalan.

Feri asked..

"kenapa your mummy maunya tinggal di hotel itu..?
"cos its a nice hotel." duh
"but the hotel, reputasi nya sebagai tempat yang no good"
"seperti apa Feri?"
"hantu ke?" sister butts in.
"bukaaannn.."
"itu kan hotel die tengah kota, jadi nya tempat orang sex-after-lunch"
"huh? oh no."

when we came back to the hotel i told mummy about the hotel. mummy insisted that we switched hotels. but we ended up staying there for two nights. haha. so much for moving.
but i did realize the strange couples that walked in and out.

the lanky chick with midget guy, pot-bellied old man with young teen, men in suits and young inul looking ladies. what a colourful place.

anyways..so many many things i loved about jakarta despite the quirkiness of it all

1. the j.co doughnuts. yummy like hell. ive always loved doughnuts but this is the best. order one dozen j.co tiramisu. heavenly gile, ow-kay.
2.nasi padang with gulai tunjang. ive always been an exotic eater.
3.tongseng. beef cooked with soya milk. sedap. tapi kadang-kadang ada mystery meat.
4.alpukat. thick avacado drink with chocolate syrup. calorie fest.
5.dapat headband yg macam jual kat fourskin for 29.90 and D refuses to buy for me. so mean.'
6.chitos. chilandak town square. something like the flea market area of the curve. trendy eateries. where everyone looks like the cast of ada apa dengan cinta. and i look like the orang gaji.
7. om yan and tante delly. a lot of fun. tapi kesian sbb rumah diorang banjir.

om yan in orange. not really his colour im thinking


inside the house. many people actually died of electrocution. scary.


but tante delly is having a good time im guessing..


and so are they. although usually water is on the inside..


happy belated CNY. im turning orange from all those oranges. and the steering wheel is sticky. and seeds all over the floor of my car.

bye-bye korang

yesterday, i had a sudden craving for fat, juicy beefburgers. no ramly burger can cure this crave. what i had in mind was the fat fillets from chilis or anything like it. since i live 30 minutes from the nearest chillis, i decided to make my own.

i surfed for martha stewart's recipe. i love her recipes. easy, always jadi and sedap. anyways, i went home and announced to mummy, "im making my own beef patties tonite. you want some?".

she said yes without taking her eyes of the tv. she irritates me that way. everyday from 7-8 she'd be glued to the tv watching some show. i hate that show and i hate the fact that i cant seem to get anything through her during those times. it became worse since she discovered YM!. she's been hogging the PC like nobody's business chatting with relatives from Indonesia. Last week streamyx went haywire and we couldnt get internet connection. I heard her talking to the streamyx guy over the phone complaining. I heard something along the lines of "anak-anak saya" and "assignment". my sister rolled her eyes at me and quipped "sape la agaknya yang ada assignment tu ye?". haha.

anyways, i went to the kitchen and started to make my beef patties. they were turning out beautifully, i must say. cook. cook. cook. i made them super huge and fat. my stupid maid decided that she had to put in her two cents worth remarked " tak bisa masak dalam nya. minyak nya cuma sedikit. tambah la minyak nya sampai bisa tutup daging itu."

bijaknya suruh aku deep fry beefburgers tu.

anyways, when they were ready. i couldnt wait to eat them. cos they smelt yummy too. mummy came down. i guess her show was over.

mummy laughs. and laughs.
" ape ni? kenapa besar sgt ni? dah macam bergedel dah ni?"
"mummy. this is how they make it at chillis. tak tau ke?"sigh.

laughs somemore. she's so evil.

i assemble them into a perfect burger for her.

she takes a bite.

eyes widen.

"sedapnyaa..hmm..(munch)..sedaplaa..(munch).. what did you put in it?"

as if i wanna tell her.


(mr.culinary once told me that parents are made to irritate, embarrass and humiliate us. he said he spent all his school years trying to persuade his mom never to come for PTA meetings. he never did succeed. his mom was made secretary general of PTA)

*

long weekend ahead. since im not a balik kampung person (where to balik? i live with my parents and grandparents are in Kelana Jaya) im going to Jakarta. again.
me, mummy and my sister. we leave tomorrow at 7.

byebye. i'll be back with more stuff that i dont need.

we has a problem

heard on radio this morning by the ever so dumb morning crew.

"hitz.fm morning crew. we are the people who has it all!"

gile babi okay. i cringed when i heard that. nearly rammed into the car in front of me.

when i was tutoring 8 year old kids basic english, i made them memorise;

I - have
We- have
They- have
She-has
He- has

And they understood the simple concept in just a few months, these 8 year-olds.

Its plain pathetic. You talk with an American accent and pretend that you cant pronounce Malay/Malaysian words (when Jalan Tun Perak becomes Jelan Tone Pe-rack) but your Grammar sucks worse than an 8 year old. I'll leave out the fact that your irritating laughter makes the hair on the back of my neck stand, though.

I totally understand why my Linguistics and Literature professors forbade us from listening to Hitz.fm and Mix.fm. They were afraid we'd pick up that kind of English and talk like those dumbfucks. This kid was once asked by the Professor. "where did u learn to speak like that? from hitz.fm?". This kid thought it was a compliment.

And then yesterday. Yesterday i went to L's house who was my senior years ago and now is my neighbour. Given a choice, i dont really fancy the idea of visiting her but since Y slept over at my house and wanted to say hi to L, i had to take Y to L's house.

L is the daughter in-law of a very prominent 'TUN'. At only 28, she's living in a seven bed-room house with four cars and a gardener, four maids, one baby sitter and a husband who doesnt work but only relies on certain percentage of the fathers company. anyways, thats not the point.

She asked me whether i was aware that the monthly neighbourhood gathering was coming. I said yeah, i know. She said what was i planning to cook this time. I said im not sure yet since its not for another three weeks. (apparently when you sit at home and do nothing, events like this are something to look forward to). She turned to Y while patting me on the back and said,

"do you know that S is one of the best cooker in this neighbourhood?"

i know its a compliment. but i just buried my face in my hand and started to shake with laughter. Cooker? I mean yeah, a person who bakes is called a baker, but i really don't think a person who cooks is called a cooker. right?

L stared at me laughing. Y rolled her eyes at me. Im sorry i really couldnt help it. L was confused,

"so u mean..bukan u ke yang masak selama ni?"
"err..." i had to make up an excuse for my weird behaviour
"patutla u ketawa bile i cakap tu u masak"
"my mom..my mom yang masak"
"ooooooo"

I went home and told my mom. My mom said that i should have told her, "the best cooker is actually in the kitchen. you should come over and have a look at it sometime ". crazy.

And then last week. We met up with the PR person for this Lake Club. She was so sweet and pretty. And then she shook our hands,

"nice to meets you."to me
"nice to meets you."to mummy

thoughout the entire time, she kept on sayin "that's mean". fine. so many people are saying it nowadays. someone put it in the dictionary already please.

i has no idea wht is goings on. i is so confused. i is tired. thats mean i will turn a blind eye next time. anyways i likes saiful apek on pagi di era. saiful apek rocks and is funny and doesnt try so hard likes the morning crew. someone shoots them please?

and all week ive been watching this on repeat.












sigh, they finally get it on..


ive been waiting for this for like 40 episodes or so....

you are soooooo not gay...



and i have a schoolgirl crush.....

SIGH...
SIGH...
sigh..
sigh..

define this

my final year project/thesis was a study of metrosexuality in modern malaysia. because they werent that many books and papers written regarding this issue, i had a few rough patches in getting a proper definition of the word and also its attributes. some said metrosexuals were straight men, some said they werent nessescarily straight. anyways, one of the source i came across was urbandictionary.com (can you believe it?). this site has wacky, wacky definitions of words, not always in their literal sense.

anyways, since we're big on this 50-year nationhood thingy, lets see what urbandictionary thinks of malaysia. or probably the handful of nutty people and their opinions.

malaysia as defined by urbandictionary.com

1. malaysia

The country where education is very highly politicised.Also a country where Malays are literaly spoonfed from their moment of their birth up to their deaths.Even if you are the no.1 student in Malaysia,you won't get a place in a public university of your choice if you are not a Malay.A Malay can beat you to the seat even if he's a freakin' retard.That is guaranteed.
Friendly?Yes.Non-racist?N ot always so.

The universities of Malaysia are foul-ridden with hordes of lazy,incompetitive Malay students.

Highly suspect that definition was given by someone without enough dough to make it to private college and without enough brains to make it to local uni (common, it doesn’t take a genius to enter local uni). High possibility a non-malay.

2. malaysia

Often touted by its proud citizens as a "developed developing country." Indeed, perhaps the most developed country in Southeast Asia (if you discount a certain city-state...) Yet in reality, Malaysia is no more than the angry, ugly, poor sister who mistakenly kicked out Singapore in the 1960s -- understandably so, given all the tools there (then and NOW). But alas, things were not meant to be...

(Great food though!)

Non-Malaysian: Oh Malaysia! I hear the beaches are beautiful over there in Bali.

Malaysian: Malaysia is NOT Indonesia. Malaysia is a DEVELOPED developing nation while Indonesia is a poor, corrupt third world country --

Non-Malaysian: Oh

Err..okay. this dude didn’t go to school, im guessing. Or he flunked history. Which I did too but I do know basic facts like Malaysia didn’t kick out Singapore. They did? They did…Singapore was that annoying? OMG…My history teacher didn’t teach me anything.

3. malaysia

Even so, no other bumis have made it into unis sucessfully like the Malays. The other races, even if obtaining the best results in the country have no hope of getting a place of their choice, minimal chance if any. Even so, the unis are super-shitty and spurns out graduates who majority migrate in search of a better income (and away from the racist treatment of Malays), leaving the few "left-overs" which possess a super-retarded level of English fluency to fill in the severe umemployment in the economic sector. As the result the economy is run by super-retarded MALAYS and if not again by the contribution of the hardworking CHINESE and INDIAN as well as the often-loathed American investors Malaysia would implode upon itself by now thanks to Malaysian Brain Drain(tm) policy invented by "Malay genius" Mahathir.

Malays: MALAYSIA!I AM PROUD OF BECOMING YOUR CITIZEN!!MALAYSIAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!
Chinese and Indian:Yay........whatever.

Okay. Super-retard Malays. Whatever. Dude obviously high-strung due to being rejected from local uni/not obtaining 10% bumiputera discount for his dreamhome/not being able to apply for dream job in GLC/not being able to buy Malay reserve land/ not being able to marry his love, a Malay chick sbb takut sunat/tak dapat ASB.

Reading his definition, I can’t decide if he’s the retard instead.

4. malaysia

This place is a hopeless racist democracy, run by malays.. No questions asked.. or ISA(internal security act) ppl will lock you up. Malays have special rights, and do they need it.

The constitution was messed up from the beggining.

Go thailand, its way more fun.
Go Singapore, just dun drink their water
Go Malaysia?... just to eat... only the food is good

All Malays are compulsary Muslims. Wanna change religion?.. haha... they'll strip you of everything. and you'll probably need to leave the country..

Hopeless democracy? At least you can chew gum. And the government is not like “okay. we’re a tiny piece of shitland, no one is allowed to have kids” and then ten years later, “okay, we just realized that we’re all getting old and gonna die. Make babies now! Make babies now! Cant you read the MRT station posters. It says breed!!??”

5. malaysia

Recent famous person would be Dr. Mahathir. 4th prime minister which has far vision but also hypocrite. Racism is mainly seen in goverment's policy towards other non-original residents.(other races, but the malays come from Indonesia. ironic eh?) Education system is total failure, Malaysians are averagely smart but most prefer to migrate or work as expatriate overseas. Resulting lack of skillful labour in the local market. Universities are super insufficient which also circum to unskilled labours. Copyrights were never important in this peninsular. Averagely 99% of the population owns at least one pirated stuff. The pros. Various kind of food available. Rich in different culture. Smart Malays are the main leader of the country,the only possible integration between races is in the commerce sector, where people are striving towards a same goal with full committment and unity.
Islamic country. Anything that againts the Islam teaching will be banned. No freedom of speech, once mispoken, Internal Security Act will imprisoned the person irrespective he is guilty or not. What a good country...with a "good" constitution.

4th prime minister which has far vision but also hypocrite. Which? Shouldn’t it be who?
And you’re just a sad rich CEO with bad grammar I suppose? But the bit about 99% of the population owns at least one pirated stuff, is right on target, though I probably would say 100%. Haha.

6. malaysia

A nice country in Malaysia with hot weather and beautiful beaches.The most developed country in South East Asia.One of the shopping paradises of the world.
And its not superduper cramped like Japan as the Malaysia is bigger than Japan and has only 23 million people!And you can still buy a house (houses,not apartments or condos or whatever else) in the middle of the capital city Kuala Lumpur!The people are friendly.And we speak English alongside Malay,Chinese,Indian too.
Oh, this is one of the very few countries in the world with 0% racial discrimination.Everybody is welcome here as long as you behave well and follow the rules.

If you go to Malaysia,you can never go back..

Hmm..sounds suspiciously like a 64 year-old expat from England. And trying to disguise it by using the word ‘superduper’. Dude, kids nowadays don’t use that word anymore. Thanks for the damage control though.

Oh, btw i got an A- for the Final Year Project i did on the study of Metrosexuality with one of my definitions being based on urbandictionary.com :P. what was it about the Education System being a total failure? Hehe.

	Singapore defined;
	A country that allows prostitution but doesn't allow oral sex. Now that's fucked up. "Dude man, this chick will fuck me but she won't blow!"

charity

When you meet someone who has had 10 cars in the past ten years compared with another one who has only one. Who do you think knows more about cars?

When u meet someone who has had 5 jobs in the last ten years compared to a person who’s been in the same job for ten years, who is more experienced regarding the current job trend?

Precisely.

Some people very wrongly mistake me for the person who knows a lot about relationships. And they couldn’t be anymore wrong. I’ve been dating the same guy for almost a decade now. (Oh my) So what makes me the expert? You are better of asking someone who has, in the span of the past decade, had like, three relationships, four flings, two one night stands and a dozen potentials that didn’t quite work out. Those are the right people to ask. They know the dating game. Just cos I’ve been dating that long doesn’t make me an expert. Yes, it makes me an expert on D, but no expert in matters of the heart. D’s heart, maybe, yes.

My male friends think I know HAWT chicks that I can fix them with. Truth is, most of my friends are okay just that..the single ones are a bit of a wild child and some are very comfortable single. I cant help. Really I cant. Wish I could.

Well today im gonna be a really good friend to them, ahem, and without their knowledge try and hook them up with decent dates. FYI they’re all ready to ‘meet the parents’. You know what I mean right?

Bachelor 1.
Mr. French
Single malay guy. Late twenties. Medium build, fair. Very brilliant. Graduated from France thus speaking fluent French (sexy!). Very outdoorsy. Likes running, rock-climbing and any fitness activities. Non-smoker. Type A personality. Politically correct. Yes, im still wondering why he is my friend.
The catch? Doesn’t appreciate lewd, perverted email/jokes. Trust me. I know. A bit lacking in the humor department. But only a bit. And he lives with his parents.
Seeks Scarlett Johansson look alike. Seriously though, would like someone who can carry an intelligent conversation, athletic and non-smoker. Basically, someone not like me. If you think you’re so not like me, this might be the one for you.

Bachelor 2.
Mr. 6’3
Yes. He is 6’3. I feel like a midget around him. Well-bred, well-fed. Non-smoker. Can be shy around girls and doesn’t talk much. Has own car, apartment. Typical ‘big boy’ who enjoys footie, mamak and video games. I think he’s into MU. Looks a bit like Harith Iskandar with hair but less fat, which isn’t bad at all if you really think about it. Type B personality.
The catch? He is the ONLY child and has never ever lived away from home. Be prepared.
Seeks female ‘who at least is up to his shoulders’ (im only up to his chest, or was it his elbows? Hard to tell, my neck hurt) pretty and ‘tak pakai tudung’. Preferably someone who’s never been married before. (Don’t know why he provided me with that last bit of information) Non-smokers please. And he can’t fit in a kancil. He’ll suffocate.

Bachelor 3
Mr. Culinary
Now I can talk about him. We have this thing call a ‘culinary affair’. We got out eat. That’s all we do. Eat, eat, and eat. Everything we plan circle around what to eat? Where to eat? Anyways. He smokes Dunhill like a chimney and has been using this one lighter ever since I knew him four years back. (Is that supposed to mean something? I don’t know. Heh.) Chindian but looks very much Malay. Able to carry intelligent conversation as well as the dumbest conversation. The only Bachelor who doesn’t live with his parents. First Class graduate and extremely articulate. Well-read. Type A personality. Oh, and he describes me as ‘almost hot’. I don’t get it either.
The catch? He’s from the east coast. Not an issue for some, a huge deal for others. And he refuses to buy a car. But he can drive.
Seeks skinny, intelligent girls with wicked wit. Doesn’t care smokers or not, tudung or not. Not nearing marriage as yet as he is 25. Relationship/Companionship/Friendship welcome.

So girls, who will it be? Bachelor 1, 2 or 3? By the way, this is not a joke. Serious buyers, I mean daters only. And men please don’t try, these people have no intention of going that direction. Please do hit me at m/e/a/n/d/m/y/m/a/n/o/l/o/s at yahoo.com. Discretion is assured. I swear. And these boys don’t know im advertising them. It’ll be my present to them. Sigh. Im such a good friend.

I hope to get positive responses. When they asked me if I knew anyone…? The first ten names of single girlfriends that sprang to mind all smoke/not willing to settle down/too assertive of their independence/tired of the dating game/contemplating being a lesbian (im sure men dig that)/looking for Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right.

Help me help them for a better future. :) S does her bit for the community.