D writes, one on shaky ground and the other having unstable life

i guess for the moment i have to replace S duty to update the blog. she's not around. while every malaysian in indon dying to get out from there, it's unbelievable S, her mother and the two sisters went there like nothing happened. worried? yeah. but i know she's one tough chick. then again didn't get her on the phone the whole yesterday. worried? hell, yeah!

i called S, "the mover and shaker" (i hate that word, actually. thanks to some college) because lately she's been busy moving out from subang to putrajaya and later a direct flight to the land of shaky grounds. hehe. layan rock kak ye?

i'm so free these few days. still looking for a job. it's an everyday routine for me nowadays. every morning i get up and go to the mamak downstairs where i work. buy myself a glass of teh ais and roti canai while scanning through the vacancies in the star. it's okay, not that i'm complaining. well, a bit, yeah. hehe.

and i just wanna take this opportunity to wish all a very happy new year, despite what has happened these past few days. i guess most of us can't go out partying on the eve as the PM declared a day to berkabung. well, it's the least we could do...

well then... i guess that's all. i really don't know what to write. hehe. take care.

D writes, another year's resolution and poyoness

counting down for the new year...

sadly enough i didnt get to fulfill any of my 04's resolution. more sad, that i forgot what was my resolution. typical me.
no wonder why S always calls me poyo.

three days more and im leaving the company. yet after dozens applications i applied - no reply. it's okay... i guess. we just have to wait till end of january when my salary down to its last cents. or maybe mid january.

what i always wanted to do is to have savings. i always end up finishing my dough. s always support me without hesitation. there was a time she was my financial consultant. telling me not to buy this and that. dont waste on that pants or that shirt. but then again, eagerness and stupidity won (all the time...) and i sacked her from the job. hehe.
no wonder S calls me poyo.

then there was the all-time-favourite resolution - the-i-want-to-quit-smoking. hell, that goes back when it was mrsm days. every nite before i sleep i said to myself that im not going to smoke tomorrow but when i woke up the next morning, the first thing i would do is to light up a ciggie and contemplating my life on the toilet sit. hehe.
hey, thats why S calls me poyo.

and there's others like going overseas, travelling, renting my own place, having my own design house. hehe.
yeah you said it, S calls me poyo.

but what i would like to be in 05 is to be a nicer and more kind person than 04. at least to the people around me. to S. to my mom. my brothers. my friends. i would like to start praying to Him again. Tracing my way back to Him. insyaallah. happy new year.
poyo...

p/s: can you believe she even nick my IM as 'd poyo'?

D writes...

im sad and down. i always do. i always whine about things went wrong.

but you know when youre always gloomy and sad, you started thinking. when youre sad and down, you begin to realise youre not the only one who has problems. and when you realised that, you begin to listen to others. like your gf, your mates, your family and then others all around you. it doesnt matter whether you can help or not, its that you listen. and try to understand what is troubling the other person.

and you know sometimes when people tell me their hard times, i felt grateful and thankful. because im one of the chosen few who they trust.

sometimes, i listen to others but they wont listen to me whenever im in need. sometimes you just felt taken for granted. i hate it when that happens. and it happens all the time... that's sad.
i mean like youre sad and people just choose to ignore. and it makes you even more sad.

you know what...

doesnt matter if i dont understand english
doesnt matter if i dont have a proper job
doesnt matter if im 25 and im in for the low education
doesnt matter if i dont have anything
doesnt matter if no one wants to listen
doesnt matter if no one cares
doesnt matter if no one there

at least i know who i am...
im that kind-hearted person you would find by the end of the day. telling me your problems and troubles. and you know what? at least, im sincere.

*just a thought, which i could never say it loud...

private thoughts and perverted thoughts

woke up thinking of D. maybe because last night i fell asleep with him on my mind. tsk.tsk.



by the way, ntv7 is an ass for not airing the surviour finale and reunion right on schedule. ntv7, you fucked my 2004. (yeah im sad, so what?)

left at the altar

D managed to squeeze sometime to see me today. but then again..i was so so tired. we went out for like, an hour.
he wanted to go to the curve, i wanted to go to bed. so now im going to bed and on friday we are going to the curve. fair?

read about the distressed girl who got ditched by the groom?


sad-lar.

all i can say is she should've seen it coming. i mean i read that the guy was missing quite a few times prior to the wedding and even tried to called it off. why push it?

and lagi nak saman malu sebab satu malaysia dah tau. who's brilliant idea was it that you got dressed up and sit at the pelamin and call the press?!? man! he cancelled a few hours before the wedding right? perlu ke pakai jugak baju dan bersanding cik kak oi!?

the press is apparently having a ball of a time pacing back and forth interviewing these poor families.
*sigh*

i miss DAOH

one of my best male buddies Y, fell sick over the weekend and still is. i dont know what kind of phobia that he has, but he absolutely refuses to go to the clinic. why?
and he was still sick as a dog when i saw him today.
what irritated me most was the fact that he looked as though he lost ten bloody kg from just being sick.
unfair innit?
as K said, "i was in hospital for a bloody surgery, went on mc for two weeks and i didnt even loose an ounce!! on the other hand if i ate like a pig for ONE bloody day, i'd probably gain ten pounds!!" whoa easy.
there's a fact in that you know. i believe that.
f**k you Y!! I hate that the fact youre so thin!!
and stop calling us fat ladies cause your just a skinny sicko!!
im just kidding. really.
do get well soon and pile back those pounds. please.

D writes, weddings and everything i hate about them

weddings. someone next door getting married. two roads away, someone getting married. my cousin married yesterday. at a house near the roundabout, someone getting married... with full of cramps and sighs, i've decided to go to a wedding. somewhere in bukit jelutong.

went with m and w. we're supposed to know the bride. but hell, i can't even remember her name. typical me. i met some of my mcc's friends. not close. ate nasi beriyani (nasi kerabu or nasi lemak takleh ke? why must nasi beriyani?) tasted like shit. 30 minutes later i was back at home.

i hate weddings. i dont know why. i dont mind if people wont go to my wedding. i make sure to invite those who are my true friends. i even dont want to invite my relatives. makes it cheaper. ha. im glad my mom said that i dont need to bersanding. my mom said its berdosa. as i can recall, most of my relatives never did bersanding... i dont see the point in it anyway.

well, i guess weddings are waste of money and time. people should just register their marriage, and wee, off we go to bed! dont you think so?

well, yeah, maybe its a one time experience. but be creative. why must one wedding to be like the other wedding? why fuss making that one day a special one when you can make it special everyday of your life with your partner?

i guess malays are like that. not that im complaining but yeah. typical malays would make a grand wedding for a one day at the bride's side, then they can't see each other, then next week another bloody wedding at the groom's. then they can see each other. they go to bed for the fucking malam pertama. and next week they ready to go to work... like duh.

i could just have one time ceremony some hall in kl, so everyone can go. if dont want also fine. not like first in kedah then next week in johor. then the next nite a bloody party for friends. cool rite? i would like to invite bands (telebury?) and djs to blast the crowd. and friends can come however they like. you happy, we happy and the single playas much happier. hehe.

kan best kalau macam tuh? siang untuk mak-mak n bapak-bapak, malam untuk friends?

two bloody days consecutively is just enough.

then me and my wife would just go out of malaysia... and we would rather have a raunchy, bloody sexy, feels-like-you-want-to-wank-off-now, kinky, out-of-space, say-my-name sex than a stupid malam pertama.

nak kahwin pun kecoh...

do you hate britney-fucking-spears?

further proof why britney spears is nothing but a dumb blond slut with a malfunctioning voicebox.



terrible.

life in boxes

wakey! wakey! saturday morning.

my life now comprises of boxes, boxes and more boxes. its official. we are moving out. half of the house is already there and we're stuck here with whatevers left that a) is too important in our daily use to shift before we move or, b) not important at all that we're gonna leave behind anyway.

its funny how now that we're finally moving, our house here seem to be falling apart.

its astonishing!

first the steps outside myteriously crumbled, then all the plumbing system broke down-in mummy's room and my room, then the railing of the curtains suddenly fell apart, the parquet flooring did some kind of popping out-i-dont-know-why, two doors actually mysteriously couldnt close and had to slammed really really hard thus waking all the neighbours who probably cant wait for us to move anyway and who knows what else has gone wrong that i may not have noticed. all that in just this month!
weird, huh?

anyways, i am feeling really,really, extremely sad and melancholic that we're leaving subang.
SUBANG JAYA is the epitome of ultimate housing!
D may not agree but ask anyone at all and they will tell you that this is life!!! its all here in subang! (excuse me for being a bit over)

anyways, the nice part about our new neighborhood is that we have four homes occupied by folks from subang. aint that nice.
maybe we can all get together and form a 'why subang is better than this place with no life' club.

*sigh*

i have to go and store the last twenty years of my life in a cardboard box.

the road less travelled

look everybody. im up early today like all you career folks! and i had breakfast too.
that happens like, once a week if im lucky.
usually its like, "oh, shit! im late!" everytime i wake up.

i guess its due to the fact that i went to bed at eight yesterday. man! i was so tired. guess i have to cut back on those four hour mamak sessions that we have daily. i cant believe while everybody's making full use of their lives, im here wasting dollars at the mamaks!
four girls and a guy bitching, chatting, gossiping and gabbing about everything and anything under the sun. shame on us.
im starting to feel like bridget jones and her friends. you know, the type of people who gather at the same time same place every time to moan about their lives (or the non-existence). the imperfect crowd who somehow, someway manage to get their way in the end.
yup. thats sound a lot like us.

anyways, D sprang some awfully bad news yesterday. apparently, the theives are at it again.
yesterday they managed to rake his seiko watch through the window of his house.
fucking bastards!
thats like the 3rd watch in addition to three cell phones, a wallet, countless shoes, all the t-shirts hung out to dry. (D has a lot of clothes- he worked in retail for a couple of years remember? now those nice clothes are all gone). poof!

i hope you and your big burly brothers do catch this bastard one fine day and step all over his face with your size 9s and 10s and break all his teeth and leave him permanently deaf in one ear as well as dislocate his jaw and smash his nose before you drag him to the police station!!!

i hope i can save enough to get you a nice watch k?

why do i always want what i cant have?

good question.

im forced to watch a bad documentary out of the seventies about the evolution of language which i am doing right now. help. tv pendidikan was waaay better than this. i gave up after the first eight seconds and now im listening to it rather than watch it while blogging at the same time. it still sucks anyway. sort of.

havent seen my boyfriend yet this week and im going almost out of my mind. now i know why people say their partners keep them sane. mine does exactly that. he waited for an hour outside my house today but i was out and i felt so so bad.

babe, damn i miss you!

i didnt realise how crucial it is to see you constantly.
i didnt realise that those minutes together actually make up for something.
i didnt realise that it would really bother me the fact that i made you wait for me.
i didnt realise what our dinner at ss2 was providing me with.
i didnt realise the mindless empty chatter was sufficient to keep me happy and content.

i just realised.
that you mean a lot more to me than i sometimes lead you to believe.
that without you, im broken and incomplete.

i just realised that i love you more than i thought possible
more than you probably know.

i just realised im a hopeless, pathetic romantic and a jiwang karat. sorry.

babe..i miss you!
its been like, four days goddamit!!

will i be seeing you tomorrow?

life through lomo

this is my second roll with the oktomat. im still learning the art of it.


G @ bintang walk


sister, yogaball and carrefour from our verandah


brother and cousin being silly


brother, the jumping jellybean

my eyes cant look the other way

You didnt know how much you make me happy. You didnt know that I see you as more than an anti-depression friend. You didnt know that you put misplaced smiles in my face, the kind that compete with the sadness, and try to uplift the sagging spirit.

You didnt know how much I aspire to be more like you. The admiration I have for you exceeds the admiration I have to most people. If only I can change 11 years of wasted experience, Id pattern my actions to be more in adherance with yours. So in a mixed and altered probability, I can be in the same frequency as you are.

You didnt know that it occured to me that you exist, while the other is just stuck in my imagination. You didnt know how you resemble the other, but at the same time established that you have more to offer. You didnt know that I have weighed things over, and your merits weighed more. You didnt know that you hold a fix space in in my eyes, that your name now echoes in my brain, and that you start and end my trail of thoughts each day.

You didn't know the discomfort. You didn't know that I act. You didnt how I always have to take deep breaths when I am with you, not because of the smell, which is quite good, but because of the exhilaration I feel while sitting beside you. You didnt hear the debates, of whether to make a move or not. My self-control is at its peak when I am with you. The selfish thought of having more comes up, but the mantra that I should be satisfied with what I have wins over. I'd rather retain the status quo than risk it for something more. Ours is something that I now highly value and greed is something that I should keep from getting into the picture.

You further didnt know that I have now realized that this is not love. You transcend the emotion. You serve a higher purpose and it is not romantic in anyway. In a line of soul buddies, you are the first in my list. I only asked for a companion, fate gave me a complete package. I shall not ask for more.

.: This attempt of poetry was written at 09.47pm.

D writes, back to square one

i've just finished ammending S's blogspot
sapa la gatei pliaq! sumer 750 lima puloh ringgit mami! (speak in penang dialect)

last friday my boss called me up in the afternoon. he was pissed off that i was still not awake and lazy to go to work. we yelled a couple of smackers on the phone. since it didn't go anywhere, i decided to obey his orders.

i ended up alone again that day in the office. lucky me, S came to save the day and gave me a handful of support to tender my resignation letter. what a girl... before we left, i had put it on a settee outside our room. that was along with a couple of designs needed to be approved.

today i came to the office (10.00 sharp. and that's early ok?), i found my letter already open but still on the settee. i guess someone already open it and didn't take it seriously. my boss and others again were absent today... i was alone.

now you tell me. nobody's around, i'm alone doing work. and when i decided not to come, my boss started yelling and give bloody remarks.

i'm starting to look for a new job again. and i just spent my last few hundreds on a bloody lomo. retail therapy ain't working if you're not rich.

oh, well... i guess back to square one.

*alangkah manis bersatu... bila berganding bahu ke bahu... one more time*

its fucking hilarious and oh, so true

get this.

my dear friend from varsity sent me this stuff and had me amazed by how accurate the dumbest statements here could be.

Billy Connolly' s 13 things i hate about people

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the
f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask
where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to
search the entire room for the TV remote because
they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your
cake and eat it too".F*cking right! What good is a
cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you
look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep
looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you
see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to
the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?.
Didn't really give me a choice there, did you
sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which
is it? If it's new, then there has never been
anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the
f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever
f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone
asks, "Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came
would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't
what they used to be'. So what did they used to
be? Ears? Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone
asks 'Is that nice?' No, it's really revolting - I
always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the
toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't
understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before
the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets
blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in
your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.

Cheers, folks..

its a lomo wonderland!

D bought his latest addition to our lomography collection.



a ukrainian KIEV 35A.

i have yet to master the art of using it since its undoubtly the most trickiest and difficult one to handle so far. even the holga was a breeze compared to this one.

earlier during the day, we had some sort of miscommunication which resulted in D having to go to the gallery by himself to buy the camera. wish i was there.
anyways, he did drop by later to show off his new gadget and boy, was i impressed!

among all the models we have so far this was without a doubt the sleekest, most stylish and smallest model so far. it even came complete with a black leather pouch bag and a hand strap. cool or what?

im really anticipating the outcome since the guy in wondermilk had only four shots to show us. (ini je yang jadi daripada 36 keping)

this is probably what a product of a kiev 35 would look like






pretty neat, huh?

lets see if D does better. or maybe i will.

S, the official cult member

i think im sad.
everybody looks forward to fridays because its the end of the week and its party time/dating/movies/late nights. anyone and everyone knows that. even mummy and papa look forward to fridays so they can kick back and sleep till ten.
do you know why i look forward to fridays?
because i, officially the saddest and devoted fan of reality tv will get to watch survivor. :p
i dont know who's brilliant idea was this whole reality tv shit but it sure is working its magic on me. im a sucker for reality tv. my friend K, thinks only idiots fall for reality tvs.
name it and im glued like there's no tomorrow. survivor (best giler!), amazing race (lagi thrill dari all those crappy venezuelan/mexican/spanish/whatever soaps), idol series, meet the folks, next action star, next top model (bodoh sikit, tapi tengok jugak), akademi fantasia (memang dah demam) and the whole lot of it.
when an akademi fantasia concert was airing every saturday night, both D and i planned our dates just so we didnt miss the concert.
he even cancelled on me once for fear he might miss some parts of the show on his way to hartamas square.
whos sadder than me?. *smug*

tonight is another episode of survivor and what happens every week is that my idiot brother who happens to know im a huge survivor cult follower irritates me by telling me who was voted out by finding out from the website. i dont want to know in advance!!! it takes the whole thrill and heart pounding (whoa..that serious?) from watching the show.
he's an ass, i know. he even does that with the amazing race.

i always imagined myself on those shows especially the amazing race. although i cant read a map to save my life. what is it with women that they cant read maps? i cant even read the map behind the invite of a wedding card!



what i can do however is drive a stick gear (manual lar tu) unlike those idiots american. stick gear man!!!!! how hard could it be?

D writes, it has been awhile...

it's been awhile.

the big project of the year has been done and delivered - finally. i refused to go to work but each morning my body, like it has a brain of its own, moves like a zombie to the damn office. yet my own brain refused to work properly.

started looking for jobs. went to a couple of interviews. looks promising but don't really like the job. am i being choosy? probably. once you worked like me, you'll know. or rather being 25 and your friends already booming, you'll know.

i guessed i missed out so much of the world these couple of months. thou i had the time to go partying and fights. hehe. what else?

things did happened. like realizing to tolerate others and stuffs. like trying to say things you meant and at the same time you don't want to hurt. like trying to make things new on my pathetic, sadistic life. like learning to curse and bitch on idiots deep inside until it fades away. rather than saying it out loud.

i don't really know what to write.

i guess it's been awhile...

experimentation maybe overrated

*sigh* tired.
the years ending. i expect a lot of rainy days but why does my car feels like the microwave each time i get in?
there was a slight reshuffle and now my friends are away and we're not together. good or bad? we try to meet up at that mamak almost everyday anyways.
the only friend i suppose i have right now would be Y. but he's guy. does that count? i dont care.
i guess im not complaining since he's a lot of fun and reliable as any of my girlfriends. (can anyone say gay?) and we're probably the only two smokers in the group so that's kinda nice too. friends forever, die together, heh.

this weekend i m off to ipoh to hold my friends hand as she's having jitters about getting engagement, so she's counting on me to be there.

and another very, very good friend KS is going back to her hometown this weekend 'sebab sayang nak masuk meminang'. wow.
i ask her as to why she had to be there and she told me that in her culture she's expected to wear a saree and serve the drinks. right.

and this is the next one on the list to end her single days. (dont lie and deny!)

jiwang and her boyfriend who's practically already member of the al-jamalulail clan.

pure and applied

late late last night i came up with an equation.

overworked + underpaid = my boyfriend.

we had dinner yesterday evening at hartamas after i picked him up from his office. he was complaining of tiredness, backaches, useless collegues, and hunger. shame.
and so we went for dinner. i thought that right after dinner he would be heading straight home for much needed rest.
apparently not. it was just a 'dinner break' (you know? like lunch breaks?).
he headed straight back to the office after dinner. the poor soul.
i'm gonna burn the office if he doesnt give you a bonus, i swear.

i dont really know what time he got back from work yesterday but i knew that while i was trying to put myself to sleep he called and told me he was still working his ass off at the office. that was like, two 'o clock in the morning i guess.

anyways, ive been busy myself with workload and younger cousins (rina's here. again!) spending time since its the holidays and stuff.
today was a really, really early morning. i left the house while it was still dark.

he needs rest. i need rest. wish we could do it together.


rina took this picture of me struggling to get up this morning with her new cell. brat!

the funny thing bit

saturday found me sprawling on the couch at D's office providing him with company while he was finishing some mega project.
i had my mp3 and a good book so i was okay. he had the radio on and was listening to era fm. suddenly this song came on the radio. the song by the era female djs. they dont seem to be able to carry a tune, the song is corny and very pop-ish. awful.
i love that song.
since i was too lazy too get up..

Alangkah manis bersatu
Bila berganding bahu ke bahu
Usik mengusik (di) kau dan aku
Dibawah langit luas membiru

'babe..can you turn on the volume?'
and he did.
he turned and looked at me
'you seriously like this song?'
'err..yeah. kind of.'
his face broke into a smile.
i asked him back
'you like it?'
'hehe..yeah. ceria sangat!.'

so there you have it.
what happens when you hang out at the office on a saturday when youre a single 25 year old?
you start listening to cheesy tracks and actually like them.

after that when they started playing proper songs i got back to my book. he got back to his need for speed underground 2. so addictive!

the rest of the weekend was a lot of fun since one of my favourite cousin, rina came over to spend the night with us. shes full of nonsense and a lot of fun being only thirteen! only thirteen! bile nak datang lagi?


left- rina, right- another cousin, nadhira

jingle bells and wedding bells

my best friend A (if i may call her that since we see each other like, once in every two months) sprung on me a huge mother of all surprises.
she has been living with this dude who is constantly in between jobs and is about 12 years older than we are. she's happy. he's happy. i'm happy for them. so no harm there. they dont exactly have an exclusive relationship. and i mean it in a way that they do see and date other people with and sometimes without each others knowledge. and they're both content with that arrangement.
thats not the surprise part.
she sms-ed me today and told me that my wedding invite (or is it her wedding invite?) would probably be in my mailbox by next week. thanks for telling me. apparently she only knew that she was getting married somewhere during raya. her partner, deciding that he had had enough of their petty little arguments took on her dare to come and 'meet the parents'.
this and that this and that and now theyre almost married.
wow. i thought i was the drama queen.
so short the notice that she's even gonna get engaged wearing her baju raya. im all giggly and happy cause i think she in the 'experimenting with life' phase and as usual i'm right behind her.

i was there when she experimented an image overhaul. from tudung to tubes.
i was there when she experimented with cigarettes. some filterless indon thingy. was i bad influence?
i was there when she tried alcohol. though i have stuck firmly to my principles.
i was there when she decided to be podium queen. i watch you from below.
i was there when she was smoking pot. i was right there with you. heh.
now youre getting married. i think i'll still stand by and watch.
but im right behind you all the way.
i love you no matter what.

also today, my long long ago good friend from primary, MSI is tying the knot with her long time bf. congratulations to you too.
im so happy for my friends. finding someone and committing is no easy task. three cheers for you guys!!

reminds me of the conversation i had with N, at daddys office on friday. i believe her exact words on the topic of marriage was 'rimaslah!'.
as of this moment right now we are on the same boat. but im not as unfortunate as her, having parents trying to match make me with every eligible tom, dick and dickhead. i guess they didnt want me to embarrass them anyway. so they let me pick my own guy. thank god. hang in there N. mr.right is right around the corner. i can feel it.

im gonna figure out what to wear for A's wedding. my instincts say i have to be really simple. none of the sequin nonsense.

and i just love the way A quoted miranda from sex in the city.
"none of this white dress crap! im just having a simple wedding and im not a virgin!"

say goodbye cause you cant go back.

what do you do the minute someone say the most hurtful words that you could ever imagine. i thought i had the answers to everything but i guess not. i guess im a lot of things that i didnt know i was. and i dont mean that in a good way.
the gut reaction was to cry. but everybody and especially me knows that tears aint getting me anywhere.
shed the tears and wondered about the rest of my life. ive been rejected and now i cant find myself to where i first started. ive been too far away from where i started and now i cant seem to find what i left behind.
fallen from grace.
sometimes i think life is like a bad movie. i just sit back and i saw i really mean it, i saw myself making the same mistakes again. sometimes im the star, sometimes im the villian but at the end im always the one people are glad got shot dead by the good guys or something. the story of my life.
i have everything i need to make it on my own. why am i sad?
maybe its a new feeling. feeling the wings that you never flown. stepping out into the great unknown. i dont know. help me?
i ask nothing more for you than to be a good listener. i have stories to tell.

Can't think of anything to do
My left brain knows all of love is fleeting
He's just looking for something new
I said it once before but it bears repeating

gotta right to be wrong in the great unknown

reflecting on what ive written and read i find myself to be a very bitter and hard person. only very few things in this life makes me happy. and even now they cease to make me happy. im always looking at the negative side of things and think life has nothing worthy of my time to offer.

If I die tonight
What would I do on my last day
I know i'll wake early in the morning
Crack of dawn's last ray

right as of now, im going to be a much happier person, take life as it is and just smile and relax. im not going to get pissed over the slightest error or mistake, im not going to get agitated when my friends wanna get silly and im not gonna hate all my sisters friends that she brings home. i will not burst out if someone merely critizes me instead i will just smile and let it come out the other ear. i will appreciate a lot more the people around me and my friends. i will try hard to understand that people are different. in fact we are all different.

If I die tonight
Will I be forgiven
For all the people I've been slackin' with when i was livin'
Those who I've hurt their hearts
Took advantage of and even lied to
Hug you one last time for forgiveness
I would like to

yes. i vow that starting of today i will be friendly, always in a good mood, forgiving, take life as it is and be sensitive to others. i love all the people in my life and i appreciate them a lot. even if you havent seen me in ages or if we know each other or never said two words..i still appreciate that our paths ever crossed and hope to mend all ties that ive severed.

If I die tonight
Would you feel the loss
Tomorrow would you dial my number by accident
And then suddenly paused.

i miss everyone. i miss laughing together and just letting life be.

the boy who cried wolf!

what irks me the most is inconsistency. especially when it involves me. i hate it, the 'hangat-hangat taik ayam' syndrome. some people try to get me (or rather push me!) interested in things that i never think about before and then when i actually get interested, they lose interest. can you imagine? especially when we're 'supposedly to be doing it together'. HAH!!!
sometimes i think that theyre just afraid of what people might say. especially when it involves something public. yeah. i think that's it. TAKUT APA ORANG KATA!
especially when theyve probably made a fool outta themselves before.

well, its their issue. have a problem with being inconsistent? deal with it! dont be the boy who cried wolf. no one would believe all the bloody crap he said after that. even when he was crying.