being a sexist

someone sent this to me. so funny but so true.



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:)

selamat hari raya

am at the office. i locked myself up in my room, took off my clothes, put my feet up and watched movies after movies. nobody is at work today. nobody was here yesterday. but then again, its not like i have stuff to do at home. the first day of raya itself i was curled back in bed at ten in the morning watching back to back episodes of sex and the city under the thick quilt.

yesterday i came to work, no one was around. fucking pitch black and creepy. i let myself in, called my sister and she came over to teman me. we watched alexandria and american heartz which was both crappy indeed but we wanted to get out of speedy videos so quickly cos they were playing 'because you loved me' cept for it wasnt by celine dion (bad!) it was sung by dato siti (even worse!) they played it over and over again till my head was hurting so so bad. the fuck la wei!

today i was better prepared. had to bribe her yet another two movies for her to come and sit with me for 8 hours. i heard mummy asked her where she was going. she told mummy,'teman nenek tu pergi kerje la!'. the hell. i paid two original movie copies for you to sit here with me. dont whine. she here now, tucked underneath my desk with someones pashmina and someone elses cushion fast asleep. i did tell her to bring her own cushion but halfway to work i realized she brought a pillow, my pillow no less! i forced her to leave it in the car. malu la.

d is having a blast this hari raya. and im envious. he managed to run off from grandma's and book a chalet by the beach. arse.

damn. its so quite in here. hmm.

lets see what movies she bought yesterday..the break-up. hmm should be good. heart. heart?! this is what happens when you let a sixteen year-old pick the movies. yesterday alexandria today heart. bisa aja deh.

oh.

special mention to SMD. congratulations, congratulations, congratulations. do tell me what its like marrying a designer. ive always wanted to know. also curious on how uber-cool a designer's home would look like. cos frankly speaking, D's bedroom is more like the garage. not the hip desperate housewives one but the ones where you recover dead bodies.

baby we've come along waaaaayy ( me and SMD not me and D) . one day we're twelve and having girly fights and now you're getting married, to D's friend - no less. wow. life is so good. you go gurl.

eavesdropping... *wink*

i have to say im not a perfect partner or bf... but i certainly way, i mean like way, way, way homerun way better than s' ex-bf.

he is such an idiot and selfish bastard doggone mofo who lost his balls to a bitch that he called 'mom'.

well this morning the ex ymed her. (btw this a**hole is already married and still has the guts to chat up with her. i mean like wtf?! are you not over with her already?!) i told her to give her a piece of her mind.

this was wat she wrote to him

a (for a**hole): askm
s: wsalam
a: didnt think we meet again
s: yeah
a: u working right now?
s: yeah
a: where at?
s: why
a: just curious
s: arent u always
a: yeah but im kinda toned down now
s: stil nosy tho
a: yeah in a different way ...
a: but not to that extand anymore
a: i got tired
a: what kinda work do u do?
s: god. u still the same la
a: same? how?
s: stil nosy

when i started dating s, he was such a stalker... up to the point he called the father, the mother and darlings si. saying hi. small talks and oh, go prayers together with dear old dad.

i mean, i dont mind praying but yeah if you cant get to the daughter, hell, try the parents. kenapa tiba2 nak buat baik ngan parents pulak nih? nampak tak huruf 'L' kat dahi dia?

a: nah...im just trying to create a conversation
s: there are only five things you have to know about me.
s: 1. im still with the man i dumped you for. and we dont feel the desperation to get married.

*cough* hurrah for me! :P *cough*

s: 2.i no longer have to take public transport and wait endlessly like a moron

okay this is one of the depressing part. he is, literally, effing not a punctual person. he was always late when they're out on a date. not 5 minutes late. not 15 minutes. not 30 minutes. he was always effing two hours late!

can you imagine poor old s waited and waited and waited for him at the the lrt station somewhere in kl just because the fella doesnt know the roads in kl or he just plain old scared of his mother. and each time when he's late he never bothered to say sorry. he would say something like "kalau dah lambat i nak buat camana?"

i'm like, huh? no sorry? oi bangang. minah tu merajuk tunggu ko tgh panas, takut sorang2 kat tgh kl and u bloody donno how to say sorry ka? which school u go to? takde belajar agama ka? moral ka? ke mak cikgu tapi tak ajar jugak kat rumah?

and on top of that dah la lambat. lepas tu tiap2 kali dating suruh s amik the last train to ukm. in bangi. at the dark and creepy commuter station. kepala hotak dia letak kat celah kangkang mak dia ke apa...

s: 3. i no longer have haedaches thinking abt my worst dressed bf turning up in a hawaiian shirt thinking he looks great.

and another disaster that this blardy fella always turned wearing the blardy same hawaiian shirt and the same cargo pants yang singkat gila. i mean who the eff bought your clothes? your mother? dude, you're like wat back then? 12 years old??

boleh improve tak? oh btw i think he still doesnt have a fashion sense. the first time i met him at a friend's open house still wearing geek's clothes. mind you i'm not a fashion doctor watsoever nor im such a gay or metrosexual or bestial back stabbed stylist but hey, u wanna blend in? go with t-shirt and jeans ok? dont try to impress others with your effen checkered shirt tucked in with your singkat khakis? you suck.

s: 4.if i ever get married to him, i will be thankful that my mom-in law is not a raving lunatic who sits in her bedroom when she has guest just because 'she's insecure her son has someone else'

ini paling bangang la. let's say it's raya and your childrens' friends/boyfriends/girlfriends come over for the normal visit because hey, it's raya. would you at least go to the front and say hi and smile to your guests? even if its your children's guests?

ini tak bawak gf datang rumah mak kat atas tgk tv. tak turun tak salam tak senyum tak greet, eh, memang tak nampak muka la. oi orang ingat lama2 pun tanak tgk muka mak ko la. muka mak ko tu buruk macam muka ko pun. bikin muntah kasi potong raya mood jek. duh. haram takde adat melayu. bikin malu la.

mak aku siap suruh s masuk, kasi hadiah lagi sumer tau! siap gelak-gelak siap lawak-lawak tau! siap tunjuk handbag ngan kasut lu tau? lu apa tau? haram tak tau apa2

s: 5. im very happy and content cos my partner is not permanently broke/draws money form my atm/ berak dlm seluar pastu buang kat lubang toilet/curik buku dari mph/insist that i give him all my email passwords.

ini sumer jgn tanya... memang terpapar kat situ. selalu takde duit tapi nak dating jugak (bangang!). dah takde duit curi duit s dalam atm semata2 nak entertain a friend yang baru balik dari oversea (bodoh otak letak kat lutut mak kau!). curi buku self help kat mph konon macam sweet, last2 dapat tau jugak (lain kali curi benda lagi best sikit boleh tak? paling tak pun curi la buku sweet valley high ke bodoh! at least dia baca! ko bagi buku self help buat apa? ko tu yang perlukan help). berak dalam seluar dan sbg. hish bikin panas la lu mamat.

s: you still wanna create conversation
a: honestly im flattered that u still remembered after all this while
s: because nothing uglier than that ever happened in my life
s: and because noone has ever treated me that bad
a: well im sorry for all that & on behalf of my mom im sorry too
s: how noble
a: i was not following the right path back then
s: oh wow.
s: youre gonna preach now?
a: nope
s: oh and btw..
s: say hi to your wife for me
s: tell her i said goodluck washing underwears
a: insyaallah
s: cos thats what women with husband on the right path do dont they?
a: well at least u could be a bit nicer
s: frankly speaking i dont remember anything nice being with you.
s: so im sorry i cant be nicer
s: this the nicest you deserve

well i would put in more of the conversation but s didnt managed to give all of the transcript. i was bz working in the office and being the moral support at the same time (copying wat she wrote and paste it for the post :P)

so much of fasting today. hah!

you, me and dupree..and 8 stiches

saturday was climbing day. was awaiting D at home and fell asleep.

'babe?'
'yeah..sorry. fell asleep.'
'i cut my palm. its bleeding.'
'u gonna be fine?'
'yeah i think'
'ok then, but i guess we cant go climbing'
'suppose so'
'i wanna watch you,me and dupree'

big sigh. (he's NOT a big fan of chic flicks. not that he had a choice.)

when i hopped in the car, saw his hand all DIY wrapped-up. he told me he slit it open trying to cut something on his palm. smart kid. he said he was fine. i thought he was fine. but he made me drive though.

then, we saw you, me and dupree. i love that movie. i love kate hudson. when we walked out of the theatre, his then-white bandage was now red with blood. oh.my.god.

'babe, i think you need to go to the doctor'
'isk. taknaklah. nanti kena jahit'(duh obviously. you slit your palm didnt you?)
'tak kot. takkan doktor tu jahit. awak kan luka sikit je'
'iskkk..i taknaklah baby!! i takut la' there was genuine fear in his eyes. oh boy.
'youre gonna be fine okay? i promise. plus if you dont go, you might get infected and the wound could get a lot worse'
'alaa..tapi i ni phobia jarum la. kalau die suruh jahit cemana?'
'takpe kite pergi je dulu k'
sigh.sigh.sigh. creased forehead. 'yelah. yelah. we go to the doctor. tapi kalau doktor lelaki i taknak tau!'
'iye sayang..'

lady doctor. very nice. very soft. takes one look at the slit palm and says 'ni kena jahit ni'. boyfriend by this time was hyperventilating. couldnt sit still.

'alamak! saya taknak jahitlaa!'
'so you nak buat macamana' doctor raises eyebrows. amused.
'saya takut jarumlaaa!!'
'kalau tak jahit nanti lambat elok'
'takde ke macam glue ke ape?'
'kalau dah luka dalam macam ni dah tak boleh pakai glue dah ni'
'tapi saye takut jarum laa'
'nanti you susah nanti kena infection lagi teruk'

takes about 15 minutes for lady doctor to convince him that he needs to be stitched up. he finally agrees.

'jarum die panjang tak? sakit tak bile jahit? nanti you inject kat mane? nanti i kena tetanus injection jugak ke?'

doctor steals a glance at me. she seem very amused. i tell her ' this is precisely why men dont give birth'. she laughs. he's still not amused and is genuinely worried sick.

he lays his hand on the operating table. nurse on stand-by. doctor takes out needle. he takes one look, leaps from chair and turns to me, 'taknak la babe, i takleh buat. i takut!'

doctor tells him to sit down. 'hey, budak kecik pun tak macam ni tau!'. she's probably losing it now. i tell him to look at me while the doctor injects him. his breathing is short and quick. he's having a panic attack. im about to have one too, watching him like that.

he screams. and screams. and screams some more. im not fucking around here. he screamed like nobody's business. lady doctor and young nurse smile at me. oh boy. he gets 8 freaking stitches.

'I AM SO GOING TO KILL YOU AFTER THIS!!!' excuse me? im helping out here and you wanna kill me? nevermind. i'll assume it's the pain talking.

if there were, like, little boys outside waiting to bersunat, they would have cabut lari like hell listening to him scream like that. soon as we got into the car he popped two painkillers.

'whatcha doing?'
'i dont want to feel the painkillers wearing off. mase saye bersunat dulu, bius wore off on the way home. it was the worst drive home ever.'
'oh. ok'

men and their pain tolerance. is it just D? is it every other guy? im dead curious.

btw, yesterday we went for the dressing. he was well-behaved. so i took him to see MIAMI VICE. i mean, he took me to see MIAMI VICE. fucking awesome movie. sex and gory bits. i like sex scenes. i like gory shit.

This is my update

update.